This is a copy of a story I wrote to a friend to cheer her up after she had a tough week. I didn't edit anything so it's a bit of a mess but it's still a good read. Everything that I wrote actually happened. Enjoy:)
note to reader if eating please put down your snack as this story contains some gross facts.Last Saturday after a fun filled day of sun and water balloon's ;(wink) Suzie's husband Nate got a call from his "used to be friend". I call him that because after that night he is forever banished.They wanted to go out for a motor cycle ride. So like a thoughtful husband Nate asked her if that would be ok. After thinking it over and deciding that it would be a bad idea she said, "sure go ahead, but don't be too long". What was She thinking??? She probably got too much sun.So he rides off into the sunset with her watching his back disappear over the parking lot, she sighs and turns to the chaos that awaits. (Take a deep breath because here is where it gets interesting.)Two minutes after Nate leaves the baby starts crying because he needs to be nursed so she picks him up and sits on the couch while their three older boys play downstairs "quietly". Their oldest Uriah comes upstairs and wants to sit next to her and watch a movie suddenly a call from the basement. It's Tyler the five year old and he's telling her that Duke the dog had to go poop outside so he let him out. She said, "ok just shut the door" so Josh the two year old doesn't get out of the house. Tyler yells back up that Duke pooped outside of the door on the patio and then ate the poop. "SHUT THE DOOR!" she yells as she pictures Duke with poop hanging out of his mouth smearing it all over the carpet and kids. Tyler shuts the door,runs upstairs and sits next to his mom. As he sits there quietly a sickening thought comes to Suzie's mind so she asks,"Tyler did you poop outside?" he says with his head down"Yes." Suzie asked then, "did Duke eat it?"Head still down Tyler says "yes". That's right folks Duke ate Tyler's poop off the ground.Suzie was very mad but kept her cool by gritting her teeth and counted to ten, (a few times).One word popped into Suzie's head "VINEGAR". a special concoction put together by an angry mom a thousand years ago that has since been learned to help create yummy deviled eggs, however taken alone it's nasty. "Go sit at the table" she uttered ,"and wait for your vinegar." He sat and whimpered a little. Suzie put the nursing baby down in his crib so she could attend to Tyler. At that moment Uriah runs upstairs crying like he had just lost his dog...well that's what happened. Duke got out of the yard, Uriah's crying "Duke is gone forever! Duke is gone." Suzie opens the front door and there is Duke sitting next to the door waiting to be let back in only thing is he has a dirty mouth. Suzie grabs him by the collar and puts him on the deck where he chews on a bunny that is now brown. "Well that's one way to get the poop off"Suzie thinks. She also put out a big bowl of water. After forcing Tyler to take a few drops of dry Sherry (the vinegar was used up at Easter) he went up to bed. A few minutes later Suzie announced it was time for all kids to go to bed. Josh didn't like that idea and hit his mommy while going up the stairs. After punishing Josh and saying goodnight Suzie told them all to say their prayers and ask Jesus to forgive them of all the bad things they did that day. God took care of Suzie that night because all the boys fell right asleep even baby Gabe. :) As Suzie stood on the deck she took many many many cleansing breaths before she headed back inside where she sat on the couch and did nothing but rest and think of chocolate deserts and how much her husband owed her a steak dinner:) and that's exactly what she got the next day. :) hehe.The EndAll events in this story are true. names in this story have not been changed to protect the individuals identity because that would be too confusing.hope you had a little chuckle :)