Wednesday, September 03, 2008

An odd Confession from Swoozy

I sometimes struggle to wash the coffee pot. Don't say I didn't warn you it would be odd. Just about every time I make a pot of coffee for myself in the morning I have about or at least a cup of coffee left in the pot when I'm all done. Every time I go back into the kitchen I see it there first hot, then luke warm and then totally cold. "Time to wash me out" it says to me. "Not yet" Says I. Next time I walk in it says, "Well, how about now? What's so important that you can't wash me now?" I look around the kitchen searching for something, anything to do but wash that pot. Suddenly a scream from the other room. "Sorry pot, you're gonna have to wait a bit." I dash out of the kitchen and before I know it I'm back to fill a kids cup with milk. There it is again, this time it doesn't say anything. It doesn't need to, I can see it glaring at me. I tease it by unloading the dishwasher and putting every available dish in before finally grabbing the pot, taking it apart and putting it on the rack. "There pot, are you happy now?" I say. "Yes, til tomorrow then?" it says."Yes." I say, "Till tomorrow."

Mr. Washer

Hush little washer don't say a word, Mama's gonna buy you the best detergent. If that detergent doesn't clean Mama's gonna buy you a sewing machine. What? Sewing machine? Well can't say I didn't try.Tonight I spent some quality time with my washer. I've had my washing machine, or maybe I should say, we've had each other for seven years. Seven years of throwing clothes in and slamming the lid, sometimes only to forget that I've had a load in there for one, two, maybe even three days. Seven years of overloading and under appreciation. He finally had it and threw in (or should I say out) the towel. A broken belt was the minor infirmity with a not so minor bill, but it could have been much worse.I ran downstairs later in the evening to throw in what felt like my first ever load of laundry. Only this time I didn't throw it in but rather gently placed it in. I didn't slam the lid this time either but rather gently lowered it. As I stood back admiring my washer with a new appreciation I noticed the dust and dirt smears. Well that wouldn't do. I pulled out a handy dandy Clorox wipe and went to town on all washer parts within my eyesight, then I went above and under the call of duty by wiping under the lid as well.I gave him a pat and promised to never stuff another oversized quilt into his frame and to try my best to remove all wet clothing within a timely fashion, After all I owe him for his seven years of faithful service. Thank you Mr. Washer!I leave you with this question, "What have you done for your washer lately?"

dun dun dunnnnn

Around every corner, under every dirty piece of laundry, on every eating utensil, and in every air particle you breath, it could be there; Lurking and smirking ready to infiltrate your body to weaken your defenses and ultimately make you puke. It is the dreaded indiscriminate FLU BUG.

It’s here in my house and I am armed with Lysol spray, handy wipes, anti bacterial soaps, plastic gloves, gas masks and my wits. I am ready to show this flu bug who is boss!
But alas! What is this ache in my body? What is this queasy feeling in my stomach? Could it be? It’s all coming back to me now. The flu bug wooed me with chubby cheeks, big brown eyes and a slobbery kiss on the lips. It knew my one true weakness and used an innocent baby against me. Oh! The sorrow, the suffering, the mucus covered esophagus and gut wrenching pains!!!! I have been defeated and the flu bug has won again.

Now it's clean, now it's not

For years I have somehow managed to keep my house clean most of the time but now that my fourth has reached the age of climbing and wanting (wants me, wants food, wants drink, wants outside, wants, wants, wants) which comes with lots of screaming when his climbing is interrupted or his wants not met, I have come to see that my house is never all clean all the time. But what is worse is a smelly house. Lately I've been loosing my battle with the stink and here is an example of why.
Just the other day I was cleaning the first floor of my house when I sent Josh upstairs to use the bathroom (which only smells good for the first 2min after I clean it) It wasn't long after that I heard some strange noises. I dropped what I was doing and ran up the stairs to see Josh holding the toilet lid up with one hand and about to reach in the toilet with the other. He gave me that, "uh oh" look as I peered into the watery bowl. There happily floating in the water was a dirty diaper and a band aid and sunk underneath that and peeking out of the hole at the bottom was something blue and plastic. For two days prior to this Josh had been flushing race cars which Nate dove in after and retrieved using a plastic grocery bag as protection from the poop infested waters. Apparently it's no fun to put cars in a clean bowl...maybe Josh wanted his cars to race his poop???
So, because of that I thought it was a race car. I followed Nates example and put a grocery bag around my hand and picked out the diaper and band-aid, then came the more tricky part. I tried to pinch the blue thing with my fingers but it floated further into the hole, "Dang it!" then I saw it...some thin dirty floaters coming out of the hole..."Retreat, retreat!!!" I yanked my hand out of the toilet and the bag, noticing my hand had gotten wet...Naaaaaaasty. I searched the hall closet for my cleaning gloves (wish I had thought of that in the first place) but I couldn't find them so instead used a thin glove found underneath some cleaning products under the kitchen sink. It was thin and gross looking but it would have to do. I stretched it on and went back to the toilet. I had to plunge the toy back down along with the floaties :( I saw the blue so I pulled the glove as far as it would go on my arm and carefully pinched the toy with my fingers. This time it came out right away. My prize was a plastic transformer toy from a Happy meal. Into the trash it went along with the glove. I flushed the toilet and heard a rattling in the pipes and then a gurgle from the bowl. I had missed a toy in there and now there was no more water. :( Can't say I didn't try. Thank heavens for the basement bathroom. I gave up on the toilet and decided to leave it for Nate to fix.
Now fast-forward to when Nate gets home. I told him about the toilet upstairs and then called Josh (who was in the basement) up stairs to come see Daddy. Josh came up and we all did what we do when Daddy comes home. Kids hang on Nate while I retreat to the kitchen to cook or at least pretend to cook just to get some time away from kids hanging on me or asking for something. Several minutes later I send Uriah downstairs to make sure everything is closed up and locked. Uriah let out a scream and that’s when he found out Josh had brought in the hose which caused a minor flood. Nate cleaned up the flood and the next day the basement toilet was broken (don’t ask me why cuz I stopped caring) Now Nate’s priority was to fix the upstairs bathroom. He plunged some more sending the unknown toy further down the pipes and hopefully into the cesspit under the ground where it won’t be able to do any more harm.
It’s always something here, and I’m fine with that…really I am…it’s just the way it is…but sometimes I do get frustrated and then I think about all the fun we have when I’m not cleaning pee off the bathroom floor or fishing toys out of the toilet and think of the fun we’ll have again and it’s not so bad (most of the time). J