Thursday, July 10, 2008

Rules for the Lone She-Wolf

Rules for the Lone She-Wolf

#1. Never assume the toilet seat is down. Don’t ever let your guard down. Right when you think they have mastered toilet etiquette your butt cheeks hit toilet water.

#2. While taking a shower lock the doors. If the doors don’t lock peek out every few seconds and when not peeking repeat, “I see you!” over and over again to prevent peeping toms and pranks. Boys are very curious and some husbands are known to play tricks on their wives, like dumping a cup of cold water over the shower curtain, flushing toilets or running sink water.

#3. When using the bathroom, even if you will only take 10 sec. to pee it apparently only takes little boys 3 sec. to appear out of nowhere to point and giggle or ask where your “thing” is. Always shut the door and lock it.

#4. Naps? What’s a nap? You know that thing you do laying down or if you’re me, sitting up. Use caution when taking a nap. It is always a bad idea to nap in open areas such as on the couch or worse yet, the floor. Here you will always be in continual sight. This is just asking for, “It”. “It” can mean many things, such as but not limited to, being hit on rear, face, head or any other soft spot. All the while boy shouts, “Wake up Mommy!” in your ear and then taps you on your shoulder repeating, “Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! until you respond just for him to ask, “Are you sleeping?” Another nap time misadventure is having paper, food or toys placed over entire body or worse yet, in your hair.
To lessen the risks above, nap in your room with doors closed and if husband is home locked. At some point they WILL come looking for you so if desperate for sleep consider places they would never look such as in the van, attic or wherever their shoes are.

#5. Buy Boys white socks only. There are no such things as pairs in a house full of all boys.

#6. Hide your treats. If you have a favorite treat and it’s something that costs a bit more than other treats or it comes in small quantities, keep it a secret. For example, I love Klondike Bars. Only six come in a pack and they aren’t cheep. I only eat one at night when the kids are sleeping so they don’t even know Klondike’s exist. Be sure all the kids are actually asleep, you wouldn’t want them to walk in on you devouring your special treat. Throw all evidence away and under other trash. Leave no trace of crumb or chocolate smear, not even the smell on your breath. I recommend heavy brushing and flossing. A kid can smell chocolate from miles away.

Hopefully these rules can help all those lone She-Wolves out there or perhaps you would like to add some of your own.