A Mother's day Story

I am going to tell you about the day my mom died, but before I do I have to take you back, way back to when I was a little girl so you can understand my depth of love and my connection to her.

It was a day like any other, spent playing with my brother Jeff and my sister Becky and we were all geared up for that night because Mom was going to sit down with us and watch a special TV movie. Mom turned off the lights, popped the pop corn and we all settled down in our seats to watch the Disney movie DUMBO.

My excitement soon turned into sadness when Dumbo sneezed and the other mommy elephants started making fun of him for his BIG EARS. My sadness only deepened when a boy visiting the circus made fun and scared Dumbo sending Dumbo's mom into a frenzy. I finally broke down and started crying when the circus handlers came and forced Dumbo's mom into a small boxcar separating Dumbo and his mother. Dumbo was alone and forced away from his mother. There in the darkness curled up on our gold sofa I sniffed and quietly wiped away tears. Mom had been sitting on the floor with my brother and sister. She looked back at me with concern and asked why I was crying. Then she told me that in the end everything would be okay. What I really felt inside was not only a sadness for Dumbo but I realized that something could somehow come between me and my mother. I could loose her!!! She had turned back to the movie but I couldn't. For the first time ever I saw her there and was afraid that one day she might not be. My heart ached and all I could do was cry because I didn't have the understanding and words to describe how I felt. There were more sad parts in the movie along with some funny ones and in the end Mom was right, every thing did turn out okay. Dumbo was re united with his mother and everything was even better than before. I on the other hand clung to my mother for the next decade or so, much to her annoyance. If she went out of town (which was hardly ever) I would cry and worry the whole time she was gone and I didn't enjoy one minute of the time she was gone. When she came home I could breath again and be happy. Mom was my every thing! I loved her beyond words or expression.

Now fast forward to my teen years when just about everyone takes their mothers for granted. I was no exception unfortunately. I still would have "Dumbo" moments but for the most part I was happy to branch off. Then one day that fear became real when mom and Dad told us kids that mom's lump was cancer. For the next few years we were all on an emotional roller coaster. I was that little girl again. I was afraid of every moment of every day because some day she was going to be taken away. I lived every day keeping that fear inside, trying to be hopeful and pray for a miracle. I couldn't help wondering though that maybe it wasn't Gods' plan to heal her.

Early in the morning of May 4, 1998 Mom's breathing became very labored and she was struggling to stay alive. Dad called the hospice nurse and she told us today was the day. Mom was dieing and it was time for each of us to say our good byes. Dad left to pick Becky up from school and called Jeff to come home. I sat on the edge of Mom's hospital bed that was placed in our dining room and held her hand. I took a minute or two to compose myself. Our very helpful hospice nurse explained how we should say good bye to help Mom pass. We were to not let mom hear us cry and to be strong for her. We had to let her know that we would be okay and that it was okay for her to let go. It was the HARDEST thing I ever had to do in my life. I held her limp hand and studied her face as I pushed the lump in my throat down further so I could speak. I told her it was me and had to pause because I just wanted to cry. I told her I loved her and that I always would love her. Mom made some sounds as if she were trying to say something and her eyes fluttered open. I saw here eyes for a moment and then she was struggling for air again. I told her I saw her beautiful brown eyes and that I would tell everyone that she loves them. She settled after that and her labored breathing continued. I told her I would miss her so much but that we would be okay and that it was okay for her to go. We would all take care of each other and mostly Becky. I gave her a kiss and held her hand until it was someone else's turn to come say goodbye. More family and friends arrived and before we knew it we were all gathered around her for it was time for her to pass. I sat on her left and listened as Pastor Grant read from the Bible just as Mom asked him to do. As he read I prayed for God to send Angel's to come get mom and soon for I couldn't bare to see her in pain anymore. I wanted her to be whole again, to be without pain and sadness even if that meant I would be without her. Slowly her breaths spaced out and finally she breathed out her last and that's when we all let out our sadness in our sobs. In that same moment of pain and loss there was a peace. I could feel Mom's presence, a lightness and a release. I felt that everything was going to be okay. Mom was on her way to Jesus and He was telling her that He would take care of us. Isn't that just what she needed to hear? What any mother who had to leave her children and husband would want to hear, and we are okay. She on the other hand is WAY more than okay. She's whole again and she's waiting for us. What a day that will be when I can run into her arms and feel her arms around me and hear her voice in my ear.

I LOVE YOU MOM!!!!!!