Potty Humor

I have a phobia that haunts me in my sleep and it isn’t pretty. I’m not sure when this phobia began and I’m not sure what has made me so phobic in the first place. If I tell you what it is you have to promise not to haunt me with it. Did you promise yet? Well you better.

Alright, I’m afraid of public restrooms. By the way RESTroom is SUCH a HORRIBLE name for what it really is. I would call it as dirty a name as it really is but I don’t think most parents would take there kids there. (Big sigh here) I know we need to have places along the way while we are out to relieve ourselves but, can’t we all behave ourselves while we are in there and clean up after ourselves?? I fear this is impossible.

OH! The disgustingness that I have to go through any time I can’t hold it and trust me I can hold it pretty good. Anyway so these dreams that I have are very stressful to me when I have them but are wonderful for a good laugh when I wake up. I have a bunch that I can remember so I’ll give you a glimpse of what goes on in my sleep.

Last nights dream I do believe came about due to our recent bouts with the flu. Three nights ago one of the kids woke up and had to spew junk out of both ends. What a decision he had to make. “Sit? Stand? Sit? Stand?” So he sorta did both but didn’t quite make it to a sit. Well let’s just say I had some art to clean off the walls. Yeah. Sooooo gross! So gross that it gave me nightmares.

So it starts out like all my other dreams. I’m out in public and I’m searching for a “Restroom” but I can’t seem to find any. Then I find one at last and I HAVE to use it. I go in to find a square room dimly lit. Tile floor like in any restroom is covered with a clear liquid and puddles in some areas. Some of the doors are missing as are toilets. My dream forces me to walk past the big dirty puddle to get to the last stall with the door. As I’m stepping over the puddle I think to myself, “What if I slip and fall in it?” Chills ran up my spine and I quickly dismissed the thought as I clung to the stall door. I made it over one nasty obstacle only to land in an equally grotesque one. All over the walls, encrusted on the flusher and seat and even on the inside stall door was splattered blood!!!
My mind in defense of shutting down due to fear woke me up at last. Okay, that dream was more gross than funny so here’s a funny one.

In this dream I had been searching and searching (as is always the case) for a restroom. My first find was a high school locker room (???) There were girls everywhere walking in and out like it was a train station. All I could find were showers and when I finally found the toilets they were in a deserted dark corner which was a bit scary but not as scary as the fact that ALL of the toilets were formed in a circle with absolutely no walls and therefore no doors. Like King Arthur and the knights of the round table, these poor girls were expected to sit and “Go”. I’m in a panic and ponder if I should go real quick since no one was around but decided I just CAN’T do it. I leave and eventually through my wonderings find someone who directs me to a toilet. They open a door and I see a GIGANTIC King sized bed that almost touched the ceiling. Guess where the toilet was??
It was in the middle of that bed. I had to climb the bed and when I did I saw a toilet seat sunk into the middle and nothing but a black hole down below. Needless to say I didn’t go here either. One more dream that I’ve had a few times is finding a restroom with stalls, but the stalls only go up to seat level. They even have doors which I find so curious and I always end up with a stall mate in these dreams.

The thing with restroom dreams is that I NEVER find a clean private place to go which I do believe is a good thing or else I might wake up with wet sheets.

Hope you were able to “bare” reading all this potty humor. You might want to go wash your hands or clean your bathroom or something. I think that’s what I’m going to do now.