The Taste of Feet
I must love the taste of feet because my foot is always in my mouth. I am great at making a fool out of myself at times. Examples include 1. asking my good friend's mother-in-law at my friend's wedding if she was my good friends GRANDMOTHER (GASP). Can we say awkward momment? (on the positive side of things she at least was a grandmother just not of my friend and just not to someone as old as my friend) 2.I asked a woman if she was my Aunts mother. "NO" she says, "I'm her sister". To my horror no one came to my rescue not even my own Grandmother she just sorta shook her head and said quietly,"oh Suzie". Your telling me Grandma! I turned beat red and steared clear of my Aunts "sister" the rest of the bridal shower. 3.I told a man that I hadn't seen in years that I didn't recognise him because he had "less hair" lol! I actually meant that as a complament because the last time I had seen him it was poofy and kinda all over the place but he had it cut nice this time so he looked good. Once I said less hair he bristled a little so I had to make ammends so I tried to explain the above reasoning but it still didn't sound quite right. Good thing my sister was there to laugh at me. I bring this up to tell you that Foot in Mouth disease is genetic. My son Tyler is showing strong signs that he is a carrier.
We were on a play date with a little girl and her mom and I had my three boys. Tyler was on the swing and wanted the other mom to push him so she pushed while we talked. Josh was just a baby at the time so I was holding him. As we were talking Tyler asks out of the blue, "Are you having a baby?" to the other mom. Well no she wasn't having a baby at all she was overweight. I pretend to not hear Tyler and pray that she didn't hear him. After all she was talking and we all know that when moms are talking we don't hear children. Tyler was not giving up easily however and asked her again."are you going to have a baby?" by now I am only hearing half of what she is saying because I'm thinking in my head how I can get Tyler to stop asking her that without her knowing. I tried eye contact but he wouldn't stop looking at her and he kept asking about her baby. Finally she stopped talking and I replied half heartedly because I didn't really know what she was talking about. Then there was a pause and Tyler jumped on it and asked again if she was having a baby. She turned to him and said politely "no I'm not having a baby". That was not good enough for Tyler, he wanted to know exactly what was going on so he asked, "do you have a ball under there?" I was speechless and mortified. She was nice about it though and told him," no I just have a lot of food in there." "OH" tyler says. and with that out of his system he sat there quietly while I apologized for him and turned red all over.
Saturday, January 12, 2008
This is a copy of a story I wrote to a friend to cheer her up after she had a tough week. I didn't edit anything so it's a bit of a mess but it's still a good read. Everything that I wrote actually happened. Enjoy:)
note to reader if eating please put down your snack as this story contains some gross facts.Last Saturday after a fun filled day of sun and water balloon's ;(wink) Suzie's husband Nate got a call from his "used to be friend". I call him that because after that night he is forever banished.They wanted to go out for a motor cycle ride. So like a thoughtful husband Nate asked her if that would be ok. After thinking it over and deciding that it would be a bad idea she said, "sure go ahead, but don't be too long". What was She thinking??? She probably got too much sun.So he rides off into the sunset with her watching his back disappear over the parking lot, she sighs and turns to the chaos that awaits. (Take a deep breath because here is where it gets interesting.)Two minutes after Nate leaves the baby starts crying because he needs to be nursed so she picks him up and sits on the couch while their three older boys play downstairs "quietly". Their oldest Uriah comes upstairs and wants to sit next to her and watch a movie suddenly a call from the basement. It's Tyler the five year old and he's telling her that Duke the dog had to go poop outside so he let him out. She said, "ok just shut the door" so Josh the two year old doesn't get out of the house. Tyler yells back up that Duke pooped outside of the door on the patio and then ate the poop. "SHUT THE DOOR!" she yells as she pictures Duke with poop hanging out of his mouth smearing it all over the carpet and kids. Tyler shuts the door,runs upstairs and sits next to his mom. As he sits there quietly a sickening thought comes to Suzie's mind so she asks,"Tyler did you poop outside?" he says with his head down"Yes." Suzie asked then, "did Duke eat it?"Head still down Tyler says "yes". That's right folks Duke ate Tyler's poop off the ground.Suzie was very mad but kept her cool by gritting her teeth and counted to ten, (a few times).One word popped into Suzie's head "VINEGAR". a special concoction put together by an angry mom a thousand years ago that has since been learned to help create yummy deviled eggs, however taken alone it's nasty. "Go sit at the table" she uttered ,"and wait for your vinegar." He sat and whimpered a little. Suzie put the nursing baby down in his crib so she could attend to Tyler. At that moment Uriah runs upstairs crying like he had just lost his dog...well that's what happened. Duke got out of the yard, Uriah's crying "Duke is gone forever! Duke is gone." Suzie opens the front door and there is Duke sitting next to the door waiting to be let back in only thing is he has a dirty mouth. Suzie grabs him by the collar and puts him on the deck where he chews on a bunny that is now brown. "Well that's one way to get the poop off"Suzie thinks. She also put out a big bowl of water. After forcing Tyler to take a few drops of dry Sherry (the vinegar was used up at Easter) he went up to bed. A few minutes later Suzie announced it was time for all kids to go to bed. Josh didn't like that idea and hit his mommy while going up the stairs. After punishing Josh and saying goodnight Suzie told them all to say their prayers and ask Jesus to forgive them of all the bad things they did that day. God took care of Suzie that night because all the boys fell right asleep even baby Gabe. :) As Suzie stood on the deck she took many many many cleansing breaths before she headed back inside where she sat on the couch and did nothing but rest and think of chocolate deserts and how much her husband owed her a steak dinner:) and that's exactly what she got the next day. :) hehe.The EndAll events in this story are true. names in this story have not been changed to protect the individuals identity because that would be too confusing.hope you had a little chuckle :)
note to reader if eating please put down your snack as this story contains some gross facts.Last Saturday after a fun filled day of sun and water balloon's ;(wink) Suzie's husband Nate got a call from his "used to be friend". I call him that because after that night he is forever banished.They wanted to go out for a motor cycle ride. So like a thoughtful husband Nate asked her if that would be ok. After thinking it over and deciding that it would be a bad idea she said, "sure go ahead, but don't be too long". What was She thinking??? She probably got too much sun.So he rides off into the sunset with her watching his back disappear over the parking lot, she sighs and turns to the chaos that awaits. (Take a deep breath because here is where it gets interesting.)Two minutes after Nate leaves the baby starts crying because he needs to be nursed so she picks him up and sits on the couch while their three older boys play downstairs "quietly". Their oldest Uriah comes upstairs and wants to sit next to her and watch a movie suddenly a call from the basement. It's Tyler the five year old and he's telling her that Duke the dog had to go poop outside so he let him out. She said, "ok just shut the door" so Josh the two year old doesn't get out of the house. Tyler yells back up that Duke pooped outside of the door on the patio and then ate the poop. "SHUT THE DOOR!" she yells as she pictures Duke with poop hanging out of his mouth smearing it all over the carpet and kids. Tyler shuts the door,runs upstairs and sits next to his mom. As he sits there quietly a sickening thought comes to Suzie's mind so she asks,"Tyler did you poop outside?" he says with his head down"Yes." Suzie asked then, "did Duke eat it?"Head still down Tyler says "yes". That's right folks Duke ate Tyler's poop off the ground.Suzie was very mad but kept her cool by gritting her teeth and counted to ten, (a few times).One word popped into Suzie's head "VINEGAR". a special concoction put together by an angry mom a thousand years ago that has since been learned to help create yummy deviled eggs, however taken alone it's nasty. "Go sit at the table" she uttered ,"and wait for your vinegar." He sat and whimpered a little. Suzie put the nursing baby down in his crib so she could attend to Tyler. At that moment Uriah runs upstairs crying like he had just lost his dog...well that's what happened. Duke got out of the yard, Uriah's crying "Duke is gone forever! Duke is gone." Suzie opens the front door and there is Duke sitting next to the door waiting to be let back in only thing is he has a dirty mouth. Suzie grabs him by the collar and puts him on the deck where he chews on a bunny that is now brown. "Well that's one way to get the poop off"Suzie thinks. She also put out a big bowl of water. After forcing Tyler to take a few drops of dry Sherry (the vinegar was used up at Easter) he went up to bed. A few minutes later Suzie announced it was time for all kids to go to bed. Josh didn't like that idea and hit his mommy while going up the stairs. After punishing Josh and saying goodnight Suzie told them all to say their prayers and ask Jesus to forgive them of all the bad things they did that day. God took care of Suzie that night because all the boys fell right asleep even baby Gabe. :) As Suzie stood on the deck she took many many many cleansing breaths before she headed back inside where she sat on the couch and did nothing but rest and think of chocolate deserts and how much her husband owed her a steak dinner:) and that's exactly what she got the next day. :) hehe.The EndAll events in this story are true. names in this story have not been changed to protect the individuals identity because that would be too confusing.hope you had a little chuckle :)
Suzie was in the kitchen putting dinner together and holding a baby that had been fussing when the doorbell rang. Foolishly Suzie thought it was her husband home early to relieve her of the children. As she put the dish in the oven the two oldest boys shout, "Mommy, Mommy there's a policeman at the door!" "Great," she thinks, "the neighbors down the street must be fighting again." As she sees the police officer she realizes he looks very familiar but can't put her finger on it. Anyway she clears a path to the door, shooing children and dog aside, unlocks the bolts and cracks open the door. Oops! She forgot that the dog would want to sniff Mr. Policeman so she grabs the dog by the collar and keeps the door cracked open with a foot. She must have been a sight. Standing at the glass door baby in one arm bent over holding the lurching dog back and beside her three starring silent boys. Mr. Policeman looks on and asks, "Is someone at this residence in need of help?" Suzie could have said, "Yes Please!" and handed him the baby, but instead she said and half asked "No?" Mr. Policeman says,"We received a 911 call from this residence." "Are you sure? from this house?" she asks confused. He repeated the address and yes it was her house alright. "I'm sorry but I didn't call....." her voice trailed off as she looked at her oldest boys, who were both looking at her with big eyes. "OK who called 911?" she asked. "Not me Mommy." they both said at once. Tyler's denial was a little too week in the delivery so without hesitation Suzie told Tyler, "Tyler, say your sorry to the police man." Tyler looks down and says, "Sorry officer."
Suzie apologised again to the officer and said it wouldn't happen again. Mr. Policeman looked like he wanted to say more but thankfully realized he'd be better off leaving so he said into his CB "It's OK. Just kids playing." He reluctantly said "bye." and turned to leave.
It turns out that Tyler made the phone call in the upstairs hallway because he "wanted to see if it worked." Suzie gave him a time out and talked to him about why "we only dial 911 for emergencies". She figured Tyler learned his lesson by seeing the policeman come to the house. As Suzie finished making dinner she figured out why Mr. Policeman looked so familiar. He was the same police man that pulled her over just a few months ago and gave her a ticket. Her very first ticket in all her years of perfect driving (this is a future story).
"No wonder he looked reluctant to leave. He probably wanted to give me another ticket" she thought. As Nate opened the door and walked in he was greeted by three swarming boys all screeching about 911 and Mr. Policeman.
Suzie apologised again to the officer and said it wouldn't happen again. Mr. Policeman looked like he wanted to say more but thankfully realized he'd be better off leaving so he said into his CB "It's OK. Just kids playing." He reluctantly said "bye." and turned to leave.
It turns out that Tyler made the phone call in the upstairs hallway because he "wanted to see if it worked." Suzie gave him a time out and talked to him about why "we only dial 911 for emergencies". She figured Tyler learned his lesson by seeing the policeman come to the house. As Suzie finished making dinner she figured out why Mr. Policeman looked so familiar. He was the same police man that pulled her over just a few months ago and gave her a ticket. Her very first ticket in all her years of perfect driving (this is a future story).
"No wonder he looked reluctant to leave. He probably wanted to give me another ticket" she thought. As Nate opened the door and walked in he was greeted by three swarming boys all screeching about 911 and Mr. Policeman.
Good things do not always come in threes
Grocery shopping is a big downer in our house. Neither Nate or I like to go so we are often heard saying, "I went last so it's your turn this time." Then we go back and forth about how many times we've gone and when. That's what happened on a day last winter. On that day we decided, "fine. We'll both go." So everyone including kids got their shoes on and we all navigated our way through the isles. When we got to the checkout line a man had just paid for his items and was heading out of the store. As we were placing our items on the belt and telling the kids to put the candy back the same man who had just left came back. He handed me some money saying that when he saw us it reminded him of when his kids were younger and how grocery money was so important. So he gave us the change from his purchase which totalled around $37. It felt really strange holding his money in my hands. A little embarrassed and shocked but very thankful. We said thank you and he quickly left. All the workers were watching this happen like a cow with three heads had walked by. So I felt a little like a thief giving the check out lady the money. She on the other hand was tickled pink by what the man did and wouldn't stop smiling. By the time the strangeness wore off we were standing outside by the soda machines. Feeling brightened by our recent run in with fortune we spent a whole .50 on a cherry Coke. When I pushed the button not one but two cokes came out. Wow that was cool, a free soda. Our day was looking better by the minute.
After we got everyone and everything in the van Nate said he needed to go to the ATM so off we went to the bank. While we were sitting at the light to turn left into our bank parking lot I noticed that the green arrow didn't come on. I thought that was odd and made the left turn once there was a clearing from the opposite direction. Right when I pulled into the parking lot I see a policeman waving me over to the curb where I pulled over and got my first ticket ever.
This just goes to show you that good things don't always come in threes.
This was the policeman I recognized in my story "Mr. Policeman" I did not know about this new traffic pattern. There had been a lot of accidents at this intersection during rush hour so they put up signs (that I didn't see) telling people they couldn't turn left during the hours of 3-6pm. I went to court for this and still had to pay the fine but received no points. I was only one of many that had to pay a fine for the same turn. Our county made a lot of money that day. Also, they have put up a new sign that is larger and lights up during those hours.
After we got everyone and everything in the van Nate said he needed to go to the ATM so off we went to the bank. While we were sitting at the light to turn left into our bank parking lot I noticed that the green arrow didn't come on. I thought that was odd and made the left turn once there was a clearing from the opposite direction. Right when I pulled into the parking lot I see a policeman waving me over to the curb where I pulled over and got my first ticket ever.
This just goes to show you that good things don't always come in threes.
This was the policeman I recognized in my story "Mr. Policeman" I did not know about this new traffic pattern. There had been a lot of accidents at this intersection during rush hour so they put up signs (that I didn't see) telling people they couldn't turn left during the hours of 3-6pm. I went to court for this and still had to pay the fine but received no points. I was only one of many that had to pay a fine for the same turn. Our county made a lot of money that day. Also, they have put up a new sign that is larger and lights up during those hours.
Good Times
My brother is going to be married in a few short weeks and so I've been thinking about our childhood a lot lately. Jeff and I were best friends growing up. We did everything together. It wasn't until we both started to date people that we started to loose that closeness, then we grew up and got jobs and went to college. So I treasure my memories of our growing up years.
We lived in a Rancher in Bowie before Bowie started to really grow crowded. Our yard was large with a driveway that wrapped around the house like a L. My dad always had problems with the newspaper man delivering two papers, one at each end of the driveway. We also had several trees that were perfect for climbing. Bushes lined the property and acted like a fence. It may have looked nice but have you ever heard of Bag-Worms??? They are these nasty worms that build themselves a nest out of the leaves on the bush and hang from the limbs. There would be hundreds of these things hanging from just one bush and every summer our dad had all of us out there picking bag worms filling several large trash bags. Jeff and I would pick some off the bush and then stomp on them. Green guts from the worm would squeeze out of the bag casing like play-dough in the perfect shape of the worm. We would put our shoes on for this summer activity.
Our L shaped driveway was a hot-wheels oasis. We went Dukes of Hazard on that driveway! I had a Barbie Hot-wheel and Jeff had a G.I. Joe Hot-wheel. We would spend hours racing from one end to the other skidding into a 180 right before the road. Our mom soon got used to us doing this and it no longer caused her to yell out of the window.
We would climb trees mainly to dangle from the branches and drop to the ground just to climb back up and repeat the process. Sometimes we would sit in the branches and feel the breeze and imagine we were a squirrel or chipmunk. We had electrical wires that ran through the branches of our favorite tree and we knew to stay away from it. I was always a little jealous of the birds that could sit on them and not get fried. We had a tire swing that hung from this tree and I could never get on it for long before I felt sick. This was also the spot of many mud pies and mud balls. We played G.I. Joe's in the mud and made our tanks bust down walls and run over downed men. Mom lost a few silver spoons in this same mud much to her aggravation. It was our mud paradise.
On special days Mom would take us for walks through the forest to Grandma's house...OK not really but we would walk through the woods to 7-11 where we would buy a nice ice cold soda or Slurpee. My favorite Slurpee was Cherry! There was one special day that I can remember very well and it still touches my heart. We had just bought fountain sodas. It was a very HOT day and this was a BIG treat. We rode our bikes ("Dirt bikes" to Jeff and I) and as I got on mine my soda fell out of my hand and into the dirt. I was so upset but just like that my mom gave me her soda. She didn't drink most of it first and then give it to me and she didn't go back in to get herself another one. She didn't even scold me for dropping mine she just gave me her drink. I wish I could call her right now and say "thanks again mom. I love you." It was one of those moments in life that show us how to lead by example and how to just love. I love that memory.
We had a basement that smelled like "basement". You know a old musty moldy smell. Jeff and I would go down and play to cool off or just get a break from being outside. The floor was half carpeted and half linoleum. Jeff and I would get a running head start and slide across the floor in our socks and then fall to our butts and slide some more. This brought many giggles and bruises. I do believe it was in the fall and winter that we would get brown crickets and they were UGLY! We hated these things! I still get the creeps thinking about them. Jeff and I would take shoes and/or books and throw them at the crickets hoping to smash them. Mom said they were attracted to white socks...I still wonder if she was making that up???? Basement steps were perfect for falling down. I did it many times and never broke a bone or neck Jeff and I would play "Chipmunks" this involved speaking in high squeaky voices and we were of course Chipmunks. Our favorite names were Charlie and Henry. Charlie was the favorite of the two. Our girlfriend in this pretend play was a painting of the ballerina. It's the painting you see everywhere but I can't remember what it's called.
At bed time we would go to our separate rooms and fall asleep with one eye open because it didn't take long for one of us to sneak into the others room and jump up from the floor and scare the pee out of each other. Dad worked nights so it was also our time to torment mom if we so chose to. She waited until we were in bed "asleep" to make phone calls. So Jeff and I would meet in the hallway and sneak to the kitchen where we would giggle until she shooed us away and we would run back to our rooms laughing and do it all over again. Then she would threaten to tell Dad and we didn't dare do it again. If that got boring or if we got threatened we would drink a belly full of water and lay on the ground. We would then start to flop around on our backs and listen to the water slosh around inside. Those were probably the nights I wet the bed:) ha We were good kids that had a great childhood playing life to it's fullest the way it should be for every kid. Good Times.
We lived in a Rancher in Bowie before Bowie started to really grow crowded. Our yard was large with a driveway that wrapped around the house like a L. My dad always had problems with the newspaper man delivering two papers, one at each end of the driveway. We also had several trees that were perfect for climbing. Bushes lined the property and acted like a fence. It may have looked nice but have you ever heard of Bag-Worms??? They are these nasty worms that build themselves a nest out of the leaves on the bush and hang from the limbs. There would be hundreds of these things hanging from just one bush and every summer our dad had all of us out there picking bag worms filling several large trash bags. Jeff and I would pick some off the bush and then stomp on them. Green guts from the worm would squeeze out of the bag casing like play-dough in the perfect shape of the worm. We would put our shoes on for this summer activity.
Our L shaped driveway was a hot-wheels oasis. We went Dukes of Hazard on that driveway! I had a Barbie Hot-wheel and Jeff had a G.I. Joe Hot-wheel. We would spend hours racing from one end to the other skidding into a 180 right before the road. Our mom soon got used to us doing this and it no longer caused her to yell out of the window.
We would climb trees mainly to dangle from the branches and drop to the ground just to climb back up and repeat the process. Sometimes we would sit in the branches and feel the breeze and imagine we were a squirrel or chipmunk. We had electrical wires that ran through the branches of our favorite tree and we knew to stay away from it. I was always a little jealous of the birds that could sit on them and not get fried. We had a tire swing that hung from this tree and I could never get on it for long before I felt sick. This was also the spot of many mud pies and mud balls. We played G.I. Joe's in the mud and made our tanks bust down walls and run over downed men. Mom lost a few silver spoons in this same mud much to her aggravation. It was our mud paradise.
On special days Mom would take us for walks through the forest to Grandma's house...OK not really but we would walk through the woods to 7-11 where we would buy a nice ice cold soda or Slurpee. My favorite Slurpee was Cherry! There was one special day that I can remember very well and it still touches my heart. We had just bought fountain sodas. It was a very HOT day and this was a BIG treat. We rode our bikes ("Dirt bikes" to Jeff and I) and as I got on mine my soda fell out of my hand and into the dirt. I was so upset but just like that my mom gave me her soda. She didn't drink most of it first and then give it to me and she didn't go back in to get herself another one. She didn't even scold me for dropping mine she just gave me her drink. I wish I could call her right now and say "thanks again mom. I love you." It was one of those moments in life that show us how to lead by example and how to just love. I love that memory.
We had a basement that smelled like "basement". You know a old musty moldy smell. Jeff and I would go down and play to cool off or just get a break from being outside. The floor was half carpeted and half linoleum. Jeff and I would get a running head start and slide across the floor in our socks and then fall to our butts and slide some more. This brought many giggles and bruises. I do believe it was in the fall and winter that we would get brown crickets and they were UGLY! We hated these things! I still get the creeps thinking about them. Jeff and I would take shoes and/or books and throw them at the crickets hoping to smash them. Mom said they were attracted to white socks...I still wonder if she was making that up???? Basement steps were perfect for falling down. I did it many times and never broke a bone or neck Jeff and I would play "Chipmunks" this involved speaking in high squeaky voices and we were of course Chipmunks. Our favorite names were Charlie and Henry. Charlie was the favorite of the two. Our girlfriend in this pretend play was a painting of the ballerina. It's the painting you see everywhere but I can't remember what it's called.
At bed time we would go to our separate rooms and fall asleep with one eye open because it didn't take long for one of us to sneak into the others room and jump up from the floor and scare the pee out of each other. Dad worked nights so it was also our time to torment mom if we so chose to. She waited until we were in bed "asleep" to make phone calls. So Jeff and I would meet in the hallway and sneak to the kitchen where we would giggle until she shooed us away and we would run back to our rooms laughing and do it all over again. Then she would threaten to tell Dad and we didn't dare do it again. If that got boring or if we got threatened we would drink a belly full of water and lay on the ground. We would then start to flop around on our backs and listen to the water slosh around inside. Those were probably the nights I wet the bed:) ha We were good kids that had a great childhood playing life to it's fullest the way it should be for every kid. Good Times.
Thursday, February 16, 2006
My First Blog
I'm not really sure of what I'm doing so I think I will take a peek at what everyone else is doing. After that I will make my blog into something great.
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